Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
