loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
