btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
