this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
