Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
sarcasm needs its own font
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
