the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Found the puke drawer
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
