Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
