do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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