yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
