I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
