Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
