just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
