Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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