Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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