My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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