Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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