i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
