Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
