If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
are you so shy because you have an std?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
