could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
