Welp...herpes.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
