i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
