I am puke
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
