could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
