I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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