Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
