He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
