Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
