the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
