i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
