Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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