i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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