People with herpes should wear stickers.
no you cant smoke seaweed
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
