I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
