There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
