so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
