Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
