Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
