Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
