yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
