There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
