Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
