no, he came in my armpit
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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