wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
