I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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