i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
