I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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