All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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