Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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