are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
